


Dear Cas (A Twist and Shout Epilogue)

by Cassandra_Winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcoholic Dean, Angst, Crying Dean, Gen, Grave, Homophobia, Inspired by Twist and Shout - gabriel & standbyme, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Ending, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, sad fic, very little fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassandra_Winchester/pseuds/Cassandra_Winchester
Summary: What happened to Dean after Cas died?





	

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!!! SUICIDE AND IMPLIFIED SELF-HARM ARE IN THIS WORK. CAUTION FOR TRIGGERS! 
> 
> This is my version of an epilogue for Twist and Shout. This work isn't my original idea. No copyrights infringements are intended. All rights goes to gabriel and standbyme.
> 
> Dean died on Year 5 just so you know.

Dear Cas,

A year has passed without you. I think about you everyday. Your smile, your eyes, the way you get amazed by the simplest things, how great you were. I still find it hard to get up from bed in the morning. I know you'll hate me for this, but I've started drinking. Sam tried to stop me, but it hurts, Cas, not knowing where you are, waiting for someone that will never come. I miss you.

I'm tired, Cas. I really am. I have troubles sleeping at night. It was all great dreams. Our first date, the beach, you. But when I wake up, I learned that the tears won't stop. The emptiness that filled me everyday, nothing can fill it. 

I need you, Cas. I need you to come back. Please Cas.

~

Dear Cas,

It's been 2 years. Sam and Jess's daughter has grown alot. I looked at them and I cried, Cas. I cried for something that we can't have. Sam tried to help. Bobby too, but I can't seem to care about any of it.

The alcohol doesn't work anymore. The dullness that usually surrounds me when I'm feeling sad is gone. I drank more everyday. It went to hell once. I didn't wake up for 3 days. They put me in therapy then. It was awfull.

I'm clean now, Cas. For 2 months. It still hurts, but I got better at covering it. I worked endless hours to keep my mind if things. Sometimes I even forgot to rest. My record was 35 hours and 54 minutes. No one seemed to notice.

The thing is Cas, I can't be happy anymore. I can't ride a bike without thinking of your arms around my waist. I can't grab a milkshake, or see someone drink it without bursting into tears. I can't go to the beach, not ready to face the sadness. I can't even look at your pictures, knowing that you won't comeback.

I'm tired Cas. I want it to stop, but I'll keep going just for you. I love you.

~

Dear Cas,

Three years is gone, and the pain is fresh as ever. I went to your grave. It was Thursday. It was sunny. It was a bright California day. Sam, Jess, and their daughter is having the times of their lives. I wondered what would it be if you were here.

I sat infront (or above) you and I talked to you for hours. Of all the things I thought you'll say, I didn't expect silence. The sky seems to sense my feelings, cause it was cold and wet soon after. I cried Cas. I cried for hours. Sam had to pick me up and cared for me. I had a bad fever, Cas, and I didn't move for a week.

Sam is getting worried. He finally noticed how I barely ate, barely slept. How I overworked myself, and how I would spend hours in the cold shower crying. He tried, Cas, but it wasn't enough to heal the pain.

I miss you. Your smile, your eyes, your face. That stupid messy hair of yours that can never seem to be tamed. 

I'm scared, Cas. I'm starting to forget you. It doesn't help, but it does make everything worse. I'm starting to lose my grip, Cas. I'm hanging on a thread, just waiting to fall. 

Help me, Cas, please. Save me from this pain, Cas. I need help, but only you could give that to me.

~

Dear Cas,

How long has it been? Four years. I'm getting worse, Cas. The nightmares started, and although I had predicted it, I wasn't ready for any of it. I stopped sleeping, Cas. Closing my eyes would mean seeing your face, and I'm too weak to handle that. There are bags under my eyes and my clothes are suddenly too big.

Sam hasn't given up on me. He still thinks I could get better, that I would get over you. He doesn't get it. No one does.

I want to see you again, Cas. I want us to cuddle together, listening to Elvis, going to that diner where we had our first date, I never went there anymore. The memories were to painful.

Everywhere I go, people stared at me. I heard things, Cas. Sinful, faggot, things that are better left unspoken. The church went to my frontdoor, and they had the guts to straighten me up. It wasn't pretty, I nearly went to jail, if it wasn't for Sam that managed to become the best lawyer ever.

I love you, Cas, and I wish to he with you.

~

Dear Cas,

Five years felt like forever, but don't worry, I'll be with you soon. I'm in the bathroom, and everyone else is gone. I felt bad about lying, but it will be my last lie. I'm so tired, Cas. I want it to end. I saw Hester today, and she said that i was the reason you went to hell. I ran, Cas, like a godamn coward.

They say taking the easy way out won't grant you heaven. If you are in hell, Cas, then I will take your place, because you didn't deserve this. I will burn for you, because I'm the one who let this happened.

The only thing warming me is my blood. It felt so peaceful, Cas, and I don't want to stop. I hope Sam finds this so he could understand how I felt. 

I'm getting dizzy. I should probably stop now, we can continue this on the other side. I love you, Cas, till the very end.

~

"Dean Winchester was found unconcious on his bathroom floor. He was rushed to the ER, but the blood loss was too great. He died on Thursday, at 11.39 p.m. The paramedics claimed that he was smiling when they found him, along with a letter that was adressed to a man named Cas. He was buried next to his soulmate in a small ceremony. May the lovers rest in peace."

**Author's Note:**

> So that's it guys. I know that this fic is a sad one, and I want to let you guys know that you're not alone. If you're having troubles with someone's death, there are people who cares about you. I'm here if you need me. Akf guys!


End file.
